I don’t know why, but it seems like 2007 is going to be the Year of the Positive for me. I have been feeling happier than I can remember in a long time. I think it probably started with seeing a therapist in January - something I hadn’t done for several years. I love my therapist, because I genuinely have revelations with her. She has taught me to realize things about myself that I hadn’t known before, which means the $100 I pay her weekly is money well-spent. I have learned positive things about my relationships, things that take away a lot of the hurt that I was feeling, things that make my heart light. And I have even taught myself about weight loss, loving my body, and being joyful. It feels like all of these positive things are so fresh and new, like they’ve all just happened…but they’ve been happening since the beginning of the year, and it’s already March, and things are still going well. I have some problems with anxiety still, but the negative self-talk has decreased. My therapist had me start reading Taming Your Gremlin, and I haven’t gotten more than a few pages into it but I’m still learning. I’ve barely even cracked the “anxiety workbook” she had me buy, but I find myself eager to start on it.

It’s amazing how positive I’m feeling. I am in charge of myself, and the way I react to the world around me is up to me. I worry less about myself! I used to think “you’re never going to get out of depression, no matter what tricks you try, it’s a horrible secret that nobody knows what a bad person you are,” but I told my therapist those exact things in one of our early sessions and…they’re gone. I hope this upward trend continues; I am waiting on a couple of results (CI test and Gallaudet admission) and I actually find myself thinking positively about them rather than expecting to fail. This is so good.

There was a thread in the CourtTV.com Karla Homolka section called Question for D.V survivors. The vitriol in that thread really shocked me. This topic might be kind of sensitive for some people, so I’m going to hide part of this post.
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