Today is what we call a clusterfuck of epic proportions. (Firefox’s spell checker has flagged clusterfuck, but I don’t care.) This weekend we were helping a friend move down from New York to DC. To live in our house, actually, until he finds a place of his own. Which I’m not happy about, but at least he’s going to find a place of his own, and damn soon if I have anything to say about it. Two boarders was too many already; fortunately we’re still living at the in-laws’ for the time being. Anyway, today was a giant mess.

This morning we started working at around 8:00 or 8:30; he guessed we’d be out of there by noon. Half an hour later, he was standing around doing nothing. I said “do you need something to do?” He said no, and continued standing around doing nothing. So a few minutes later, A asked him if he was waiting for something. He said yes, he was waiting for us to get off the rug so he could vacuum it. A pointed out that things did not have to be done in a particular order, and there was lots more he could do meanwhile. (See, he wasn’t actually ready to go. He had left a lot of things undone. We suspect he spent his time masturbating, smoking weed, and playing video games instead. Normally these are pursuits I would approve of, but not when there are things to be done.) He got all huffy and ordered us to get out and go home, he’d do it all himself. Needless to say this was ridiculous and pissed off A and I quite a lot. She locked herself in the bathroom to cool off, and I went back to packing up his computer. Damn, I wish we’d left when he said to.

He did most of the carrying to the U-Haul while she and I cleaned the place. A lot of the carrying (down two flights of stairs) was done on Saturday, when we had hired two guys to come and help us out with the furniture…but there was still a lot left to be carried. So A and I cleaned and scrubbed…the bathroom, the refrigerator, the stove, the fingerprints from all the light switches and doorknobs, etc. I was working on the very dirty inside of a kitchen cabinet and A was working next to me at the sink when he stopped behind us and commented, “you guys are such good little scrubbers!” I turned around and gave him The Look of Death. He said something to the effect of “I wouldn’t have done that if you guys hadn’t been here” and A turned around and said “So…this doesn’t need to be done?” He said: no, not really. We immediately dropped our sponges and got ready to leave - bags gathered, coats on - and he said “are you leaving TOWN now? There’s so much left to do!” I was about to smack him in the mouth, I swear.

I went and got our car, which we’d parked a couple of blocks away on Friday night. I came back and brought my book for Sex & Gender class and sat with the U-Haul for a couple of hours, because that way he wouldn’t have to keep pulling the back gate up and down and locking and unlocking the padlock. (That’s what I did on Saturday instead of carrying anything - I was the truck guard and A did stuff upstairs.) I sat out there freezing my ass off - it was about 40 degrees both days, with no sun because of all the buildings. Finally it was time to go. At 3:10pm, that is. More than three hours later than he’d predicted, and five hours from when I wish we’d left, when he told us to.

We realized at the last minute that we couldn’t take the regular route to the Holland Tunnel, we had to take the truck route. He was behind us, and I called him and said “did you see we have to follow the truck route?” He said “oh, no! I didn’t see that.” So we led him through it. I don’t know why, but we stuck with him the whole way back to our house. After the final toll on the New Jersey Turnpike, which we breezed through with E-Z Pass, we sat on the shoulder and waited for half an hour until he came through. Half an hour. Wait, I remember why we stuck with him: because he’s a moron who can’t handle himself. He called up after the toll in Delaware and said “uh…do you have any cash? I’m running out of cash.” Apparently he didn’t have enough for tolls - they were costing him more than normal because he’s driving a truck, but he didn’t think to have LOTS of extra cash on hand. So fine, we pulled over on the shoulder together and I ran back with $40 cash. At the Fort McHenry toll, we went through a regular lane because there’s nowhere to pull over and wait after that one. Of course he managed to be so far behind us that we didn’t see him, but we figured he’d catch up. Nope: he’s still a moron.

We were around Catonsville when he called and said this priceless gem: “I took 695 East. Was that wrong?” Instant *headdesk* on my part. I said “Yes.” He said “I gotta go, bye” and hung up. So we had absolutely no idea what happened, what he was doing, or where he would end up. We drove another 8 miles to a rest area just past Route 32, and called him up again. Turns out he was still on 695 because he figured he could just loop around, and he said to go home, he’d find his way somehow. A pointed out that 695 is the Baltimore Beltway. So we told him we were waiting at the rest stop past Route 32, because obviously he needed help getting home. Fortunately that rest area was part of Maryland’s free wi-fi rest stop program, so I got on the computer and started typing this entry. (I’m still typing it, duh - we’re about to cross the American Legion bridge into Virginia.) He finally caught up and we set off…still guiding him…because he’s a moron.

This probably doesn’t sound too bad to most of you, but the guy was already on my shit list to begin with for various other stupidities. A wanted to help him move, so of course I came too. And I didn’t mind it, until today, when he became a complete idiot. God damn, he pissed me off so bad.

Reports seem to indicate that Brooklyn’s renowned play space, Coney Island, may be taken away and turned into luxury housing. Supposedly the city has a plan for the area, and other stories claim that it’s just a facelift, but I am skeptical. I know that the roller coaster, the Cyclone, is on the National Register of Historic Places, but that may not protect it from developers. I don’t understand how anyone could conceive of turning it into luxury housing - Coney Island is iconic in the national landscape! I wouldn’t be opposed to a makeover, the two times I have been there it’s been kind of dingy, but if they get rid of the Cyclone, Astroland, or Coney Island as it is today…it’ll be a sad day for the nation.

I really love New York City. I go there about once a month to hang out with my best friends, who both live in Manhattan. I know several other people who live there too, and if I could, I would move there! I am such a perfect fit for NYC…I don’t mind not being social, and I like the big city, and it’s got so much entertainment and activities - I would love it!

Looking at the New York condo blog is both fascinating and disappointing. I love floor plans and looking at the features in apartment buildings and all that kind of stuff. The bloggers take their own pictures of the buildings and tour each one, and they give their impressions on various aspects of the building amenities and the individual condos. The disappointing part of the blog is the pricing section included in each entry…because I know I will never be able to afford to live in any of these places!

Tonight we went to Tortilla Flats for dinner; we made sure to mention to the manager on duty that their website was broken. We ordered a pitcher of margaritas, though, so I am quite funny right now. What’s amazing is that I won bingo! They have trivia nights on Sundays, and I sort-of won that once before but there was a tie so I made our friend C chug the beer for mee, but tonight was bingo night and I won that outright. What’s amazing is that it was free to participate, as opposed to the only other time I play bingo ever, which is on a cruise ship and NOT free.

I had filled up on hoppin’ john earlier in the day and I wasn’t planning to eat, but after a margarita and a half, the chips and salsa weren’t enough and I ended up ordering nachos (which were nowhere near as good as I was expecting). But it was fun to win bingo; in addition to a plastic lei and a round of tequila shots for my table, I also got an Ernest Borgnine Night t-shirt (apparenly he patronizes that restaurant) and a “Big Bingo Winner” Tequila Flats t-shirt, which was the only prize I’m actually happy to have won - even though nobody back home will know what Tortilla Flats is.

Anyway, boroparkpyro called while we were at the restaurant, and we’re having lunch tomorrow before my 3:00pm bus. Hopefully he didn’t detect on the phone that I’d already had a couple of margaritas, and doesn’t think I’m crazy! Tonight was fun and lunch tomorrow should be too.

I really wanted to go to Tasti-D-Lite after dinner, but I was persuaded to settle for a pint of ice cream from a deli, because of how drunk I still am.

The highlight so far has been giving my wife a quick peck on the lips outside a Japanese bakery, and having a passing preteen boy turn around and gape at us. Bet he wasn’t expecting lesbians on Fifth Avenue!

I had a mostly positive experience with my doctor this morning. I walked in there knowing exactly what I wanted, and I walked out with what I wanted. The purpose of the visit was to discuss my chronic urticaria and see what the options were, but what I really wanted was a prescription for 5mg of prednisone. I have a three-year-old prescription for it, and I have found that if I take one when the hives are really bad, they will settle down for a while. Most doctors won’t hand out steroids like candy, but I think my doctor understood that I knew what I wanted - I’m not sure if she realizes I know more about chronic urticaria than she does, but she did give me what I wanted.

My appointment was at 7:30am, which was not fun because I was out very late last night meeting an online friend who was in town from Minneapolis. I am probably going to take a nap after work, because tonight I have to drive to New York. We have tickets to a special showing of Perfume: The Story of a Murderer, which we got because A is involved with a perfume group online. So yes, a nap is definitely in order before all that driving.

This weekend I biked 19 miles around Manhattan, got my second paw print at Fine Line Tattoo, did not get to meet Alan Cumming, had a treat from Coldstone Creamery because I’d biked so damn hard, and walked two miles from the tattoo shop to my friend’s house. Not in that order, of course, although the biking did come before the tattooing. I was pleased with how little the tattoo hurt, probably because the artist was very nice and kept me chatting the whole time. When I got home, my iPod had finally arrived, albeit with a Firewire cable instead of a USB cable like it was supposed to have. Fortunately Levi, who lives near me, has a spare cable; his is for an iPod mini but this website seems to indicate that a mini cable will be compatible with a 3G iPod; we’ll see…meanwhile I do have a Firewire port at work so the iPod is charging. If the cable Levi has isn’t compatible I will probably just pick up a Firewire PCMCIA card on eBay.

I am presently standing in line at the Build a Bear on 5th Avenue in Manhattan, with an unstuffed Hello Kitty clutched to my chest. I was surprised to discover that they have special NYC outfits - not only the sports teams, but also fire and police uniforms, and a Statue of Libearty (ahem) outfit! There is even a special NYC bear, it’s white with the I♥NY logo printed all over it, and a sound insert that sings “New York, New York.” I’m not sure what clothes I will end up picking, or what I’ll name her. Sanrio already has a name for her - it’s “Kitty White” - so I’m not sure if I’ll use that or something else. And I’ll take a quick skim through the other outfits but I can always fall back on the Hello Kitty ones. But damn, this line is long…and damn, it’s hot in here. I’m almost to the head of the line, though, so I’ll get to stuff my kitty soon!

Added: Pictures! Waiting in Line and The Result. A came up with a funny name - Hello Pussy - but the computer rejected it (ha!) so I put down Hello Pussycat instead.

It has been an interesting 24 hours. We arrived in NYC at 3:30 yesterday, and parked in what was technically an illegal space until 6pm, but there were so many other cars parked there that we figured we’d be okay. We came back two hours later…and the car was gone. So we found out which impound lot it had been taken to, and how much it would cost to get it back. A then went to the opening event for her perfume festival, and I went to the opening event for the Leather Leadership Conference.

I’d been promised the other terp was on the way, but she never showed up. Two of the deaf guys never came back from “grabbing a bite real quick” but aidan_boi_x was there and I interpreted for him. Fortunately he’s more English than ASL, so my brain wasn’t quite the pile of goo it could have been.

A was waiting for me when I was done, and we walked to the impound lot about a mile away. We paid $185 for the towing - which seems like an awful lot per car - and discovered two $65 tickets on it. The pound attendant told us one would be dismissed, because they’re not supposed to write tickets for the same offense twice. The first ticket was from 4:10pm, and the second was from 5:00, so the second was written before the tow truck arrived from the first ticket. So she told us to fight that one.

We parked the car again - legally this time - and went to bed. I had a hard time falling asleep, because I was worrying about what I would do if I ended up teaching the 9:30am ASL class.

I got back to the hotel this morning - and nobody had heard from the other interpreter. Well, that’s not completely true - she had responded to my email at 1:00am and said she wasn’t due in until the morning anyway and she’d be there. Yeah, whatever. By 9:00 I was seated in the workshop room and people started arriving…but not the other interpreter. So at 9:30 I started the class and did the best I could. Toward the end, a deaf guy came in asking about interpreting services; I said I could do it when I was done with the workshop so he stuck around and helped me answer questions.

When that was done, we went to the session the deaf guy wanted to hear; the other deaf guy in attendance showed up too. It was very interesting, but it was a long 75-minute workshop. After that I got some lunch; I’d meant to bring mine but I wasn’t expecting to be there till lunchtime - or rather I was expecting it, but I was hoping against it.

On my way back in, the coordinator for the event saw me and thanked me profusely. Apparently all the evaluations from my workshop were positive - and I’ve never taught any sort of workshop before! He was very grateful, and I could tell I was saving the day by stepping in to help out even though I hadn’t been asked to. One of the people in my workshop was the coordinator for the contest the other terp holds the title for, and she was “livid” (her words) that the other terp hadn’t shown up. She asked for my card, so I think I’ll be interpreting for that contest too (in Philadelphia), plus with my super-willingness to help out, I should get future gigs from that too. Which means money, yes, but it’s also a point of pride that I stepped in, helped out, and further established myself as reliable.

As for the other terp, who knows. When the coordinator mentioned how great my evaluations were, I asked about the other terp. He said “oh, let’s not even go there…” heh! So I am interpreting another workshop 10 minutes from now, and then probably another after that. A’s perfume events run to 6 or 8:30 (depending on if she goes out for drinks), so I will just relax a bit once this is done. And then I’ll probably be back tomorrow. Fortunately I get to bill for all this extra work!

I did a bit of shopping on Fifth Avenue yesterday - okay, a lot of shopping. I went to the Diamond District first and picked up the diamond stud earring to replace the one I dropped down the drain; I had dropped off one of the surviving ones the day before. Unfortunately it turns out that the replacement is about a point smaller than the original, which makes it a point smaller than all five of my other ones, so I am going to have to call the guy to ask about it - I didn’t pay $50 for a mismatched earring!

I spent even more than that, though, at American Girl Place. (What, you didn’t know I had an American Girl doll? I do!) They’ve been bringing back Felicity and even adding new items for her, so I got the Tea Lesson Gown for A. She got the complete Felicity set as a present years ago, but the Tea Lesson is new so I got it to make sure she still has the complete set. I also got the Butterfly Brocade Outfit (which we both wanted), and for my doll I got the new inflatable kayak (just the kayak and gear, not the outfit) and Kit’s Christmas Outfit which I’ve wanted for a while. And finally I got Coconut’s Rinkside Accessories. All told, this was about $125! Yikes.