A man and a woman meet online. They enjoy each other so much that they agree to meet, and when they do it is love at first sight. They are so alike it is uncanny and they instantly feel a deep bond, so much so that it is unbearable to separate. They decide to move in together, and shortly afterward they become engaged. All of their friends say the relationship is moving too fast, but they know they were meant to be together.

The state they are in still requires a blood test to check for diseases. They know they are clean, but its’ required anyway. The results come back, and to their shock they are told they cannot marry. Read the rest of this entry »

Getting married in the United States is fairly easy. One man and one woman must intend to get married, get a blood test, and get a license. There is no proof of cohabitation, no proof of intimate relations, no time limits from your previous marriage. Establishing a domestic partnership, though, is more complex.
Read the rest of this entry »

Today we are going to the wedding of one of :MK:’s friends from high school. She’s a very nice girl and I’m happy she’s getting married, but I can’t shake that deep-down bitterness from seeing straight people getting married. Every time I hear about someone my age getting married, they haven’t been together as long as I’ve been with A. And yet, to some extent, I agree with A - having a ceremony feels like it would be somewhat false without any legal backing. We were talking earlier today about wills, and how I have to be explicitly written into her will. We’re lucky that none of our parents would raise a fuss about that, but we still don’t have the automatic transfer of property that straight people do. Weddings just remind me of the inequality I’m living with every day. I am glad for the chance to dress up a little, and I don’t mind going to Richmond, and whatever they’re serving at the reception will be nice…but I’m still just a bit resentful.

I’m participating in a thread on Literotica about marriage. A couple of people said that they are only planning to have quick weddings, because they want to be married, not get married.

I have a different take on the matter. I want to get married. I’m not looking for a big church wedding or weird expensive dresses, but I’d like to have some kind of event with a pretty outfit (worth maybe about $200) that I picked out for the occasion. I want to send out invitations to my friends and circle a date in red on the calendar. The “be married not get married” thing doesn’t fly with me. We’ve been together for seven years now and we’re essentially married (witness the rings), but I’m not satisfied. It doesn’t even have to be a real wedding - we could just have a party and send out invitations and have people dress up and rent a private room at a restaurant somewhere. But I want something. Part of the reason we’re waiting is because of A’s previous experience. She was married for ten years, and she’s still very close to her ex-husband but she knows that relationships can go sour even after a very long time. So I’m basically showing that I can last longer than ten years before we get to have that party.

The reason this makes me so frustrated is because I have so many friends who are getting married and having kids. My sister-in-law got married in summer 2003, a good friend of mine got married in fall 2003, my brother-in-law’s mother got married somewhere in there, and now my sister-in-law is going to be in the wedding of another friend with whom I’m also acquainted. Plus I know a slew of people online who are getting married, having commitment ceremonies, etc. And I’ve been with A longer than any of these people have been with their partners, so every time I see somebody make an announcement part of me sneers inside my head that they’re moving too fast. I’m just jealous, of course, but I’m a bit self-righteous about it too.

Yes, we’re already married. Yes, we wear the rings. But dammit, I want that party. And don’t even get me started on all the babies everybody has been having…

I can finally tell the secret I’ve been holding on to for…oh, a couple of months now!

click to enlarge

Those are our “wedding” rings. We can’t get legally married, of course, and we’ve been practically married for a few years now, but this just symbolizes our commitment. I’m on cloud nine now that we finally have them. We ordered them a couple of weeks ago from DVB, a New York-based company that is the source for many other sellers. My wife (I’ll be calling her that more often now) felt strongly that she wanted a poesy ring, so we were looking at those pretty much exclusively. The ones we ended up getting are in Old French, and they say here is my heart, guard it well. You can see a close-up picture from the maker, but it doesn’t show that the word coeur is actually a drawn heart. It’s based on a ring that is currently in the British Museum, and it dates to about the 15th century. My ring is 14k white gold, and my wife’s ring is 18k yellow gold. For heterosexual couples, the man doesn’t usually have other jewelry to coordinate with and doesn’t care what color the rings are. But being two women, we each had different tastes! We’re not having a ceremony just yet, though…we will probably have some kind of party for our ten-year anniversary, but we don’t really feel the need for a ceremony right now.

As I mentioned, I am absolutely flying high with this. I love our rings, and I love my wife.