The highlight so far has been giving my wife a quick peck on the lips outside a Japanese bakery, and having a passing preteen boy turn around and gape at us. Bet he wasn’t expecting lesbians on Fifth Avenue!

I was checking out the new Google Patents service, which is a much improved interface over the one offered by the USPTO, and which I’d heard about via Googling Google. I was also looking at information about the onstage 45-degree lean performed by Michael Jackson and his dancers during concerts featuring the song “Smooth Criminal” - it’s a damn cool move, one that was done in the original video with wires. (Up until I read this article, I had assumed they just had hyper-developed muscles from so much dancing - I didn’t realize it was faked!) To perform it onstage, Michael Jackson developed a special device, which received U.S. Patent 5255452 in 1992 - “Means and method for creating anti-gravity illusion.”

So I thought “hmm, has the King of Pop created any other patents?” I searched for Michael Jackson and got far too many results, so I figured I’d put his name as it was shown in the Anti-Gravity Illusion patent: Michael J. Jackson. The first hit was for that very patent. The second was for: Internal nasal implant. Yes, this entire post was an elaborate joke about Michael Jackson’s nose. I just had to share my amusement.

I was going to put this in tomorrow’s quicklinks, but I decided it was worth its own post, especially because you have to do this in order. These are all YouTube videos.

First, check out Patrick Stewart Alphabet, which I found thanks to hobbitblue.

Next, go to The Picard Song. You might want to turn your speakers down, this is kind of loud.

And finally, The Sims Picard Song. Also loud, but funny!

(Unfortunately none of these are accessible to deaf viewers…I really hate that. Sorry!)

I have seen all kinds of CAPTCHAs. That’s the visual verification many websites use these days to prove you’re a human - you know, type the code in the little box, or listen to the audio file, etc. Some CAPTCHAs (like at my bank) are actual words, but most are random combinations of letters and numbers. Well, here’s the best random CAPTCHA I’ve ever gotten:

I got my DVD recorder and video stabilizer and set them up. I managed to get them working, but I didn’t have the remote control for the DVD recorder. It was mentioned in the auction as being missing, so that was fine, but it turns out a lot of the features are only accessible through the remote. I called up Panasonic to find out the part number, and with shipping it would be about $20 to have it sent. I said I’d think about it and order online. I finally decided I wanted it after all, so I can create chapter stops, etc. So just now I went to the Panasonic parts ordering site, and I selected the right remote and added it to my cart. I could see it in the cart, but in place of a “Proceed to Checkout” button was the following message in bold red text.

Parts and accessories may be ordered over the Internet Monday thru Saturday 6:00 am to 1:00 am EST. This site is currently available for Parts Pricing only. Please return during our normal business hours to place an order.

So do the tubes get clogged on Sundays? Is the Internet at church? WTF?

I was watching In the Life and they had a sound bite from Malcolm Lazin, the organizer of PrideFest Philadelphia. I thought the name sounded familiar from a scandal that took place about six years ago, so I googled for malcolm lazin mmow. Google wanted to know…

Did you mean: malcolm lazin mmorpg

Bwahaha.

Okay, we are officially weird. A has gone into a Freecycling frenzy, and here are two recent listings:

OFFER: Four X-ray films of a cat
Well, these are four X-ray films of a cat. Perhaps you are an extremely creative person and want these for a project, or you want to play a practical joke on your doctor?

OFFER: Inflatable hot pink plastic poodle
Well, this is a multi-use item: scares cats and creeps out my 23-year-old sister. Perhaps it’s the festive bow and red eyes; perhaps it’s the haunting wheezing it makes when it’s squeezed. Has a loop on top for hanging as a…decorative item. Or for Halloween.

I love the dollar store. Where else can you find wonderful Engrish products like these? Click to enlarge! (The last one didn’t come out very well, but if you squint at the full-size version you can make it out.)

Benign Girl	Seabed Worid Lamp Lighting Move	Plane crashing into WTC

I have such quick-thinking and witty friends! Here are two imagined conversations.

Evil Audiologist: You don’t sound like you have a hearing problem.
oihanen: Well, you don’t sound like you have a stupid bitch problem.

Here’s the other:

Idiot Parent: So, are you still in training to be an interpreter?
Dan: So, are you still in charm school?