So this is what it’s like to be discriminated against. I’ve never thought about heterosexism much before, it was just the natural order of things; same-sex marriage wasn’t a reality to me until it became real – you can’t miss something you never had.

Thanks to USAA, I know what it’s like to feel discrimination. More precisely, I know what it’s like to have equality dangled in front of you and then snatched away. I feel almost like a cat who played with a toy on a string but suddenly had it jerked away…I had equality in my grasp, I could hold it and touch it and be overjoyed by it, and now it’s gone.

I got a phone call from USAA today while I was eating dinner with friends on campus. As I walked to my car, I listened to the voicemail and learned that there was “an issue” with my account and I needed to call them back. I figured it could be one of two things – either they wanted to follow up on the car insurance quote I started on the website, or they wanted to tell me I couldn’t have my wife on the account anymore. As you can tell, it was the latter.

The representative I spoke to, who was in the Eligibility department, said my account had been brought to her attention by the Social Media department. They had come across my “postings” and traced them back to me, and they realized there was a teensy problem. It seems the representative who listed my wife as my spouse under my USAA account was incorrect; they have “corrected” her and meanwhile already booted my wife back down to whatever “friend” status she was listed as before; her member number is now valid for checking and savings only. (I’ve just checked my USAA account; only my mother is listed under Family Members now.)

I asked the Eligibility representative if this was the result of my blog posting. She insisted that it would have come to her attention at some point anyway, because they audit new memberships on a regular basis. With only four days between my last blog post and this one – and with a weekend in the middle – I guess the Social Media department is pretty busy. What would have happened if my wife had already bought insurance through them as a full-fledged member, and then it had come to the attention of the Eligibility department that we were not really eligible?

The representative was, quite frankly, rather demeaning on the phone. She kept insisting that just because I was legally married in Connecticut didn’t mean that it was valid in Virginia. (Duh, lady.) She also repeated several times that every state is different, and that it was because I lived in Virginia that I couldn’t have the coverage. (Duh, again.) I asked her again and again what the conditions are in which USAA does extend coverage to same-sex partners. She finally admitted that only people who are registered as domestic partners in California – and who reside in California, just in case I was too clueless to pick that up – could receive benefits. I find this interesting – she refused to whether or not things would be different if my wife and I actually lived in Connecticut. California doesn’t even have gay marriage anymore, why is that the only state where they extend coverage?

In the end, all I could say was that I would definitely be posting another entry to let people know that USAA was wrong. She accepted that, and said she understood. Hi, USAA Social Media Department!

Quite frankly, I’m profoundly depressed by this. Like I said, I’ve never had rights given to me and then taken away before. I’ve been a proud USAA member since 1991, and I just don’t know what to do right now. They have great rates, and I’d hate to leave them behind, but my instinct is to pay off my credit card bill, find a new one, and shop around for new auto insurance. I don’t want to, I really don’t. USAA is a great company. But they really screwed up with this one, and I’m hurting because of it. We’ll see what happens – I plan to write to HRC and probably other organizations.