Once again, the idea of eating meat is on my mind. I’ve been a vegetarian since November 1993, nearly 15 years. For the past five years or so, I’ve thought about eating meat again. I originally became a vegetarian for ethical reasons, I used to do the “I won’t eat anything with a face” thing, but I now feel like it’s just become a habit. I know about being vegetarian is better for the environment and all that, and I like doing things that are good for the environment, but I am just so curious about eating meat again. Today we went to Chutzpah for lunch, and A ordered the matzoh ball soup. Here’s the conversation we had:

Me: So…what does the chicken broth taste like?
Her: Uh…chicken? (pause while I keep peering at her bowl) Do you want some?
Me: Well…I’m thinking about it.
Her: (gets a spoonful of broth ready)
Me: (stares at broth)
Her: It would be the first time you’ve intentionally eaten meat in 15 years.
Her: No! I can’t do it! (resumes eating egg salad sandwich)

I just don’t know. I’d like to open up my diet meal options, there are only so many different foods available from Lean Cuisine and Healthy Choice, etc. I just don’t know. I think about it a lot, actually. I like saving animals, I like saving the planet, but it just feels like a habit I can’t break. I’ve been doing it for 15 years, after all…more than half my life. Is it awful to just try eating a chicken dish from Lean Cuisine? What does it mean if I do? Will I have given up vegetarianism? If I decide I don’t like it, can I really call myself a vegetarian again, if I ate meat deliberately that one time? Will I still love chicken with cashew nuts like I did when I was a little kid? Will it taste good? Will I feel immoral, breaking my long-held beliefs? I just don’t know what to do.