It is now 1:15am. I am finally back in bed. I had some…adventures. Much getting-lost and going-crazy ensued.

I left the hotel at 5:00 and headed over the Ben Franklin Bridge. And then I promptly got lost. My directions from Google Maps had me turn right on Washington Ave, and then right on S. 11th Street…which I never saw. I passed the SS United States, which I would have really enjoyed seeing had I not been trying to figure out where I was. I finally figured I had gone over the one mile it was supposed to be to the turn, and I turned right on Oregon Ave. I realized I was lost and called my contact, who sent me in the wrong direction on Front because he thought I was going the other way on Oregon. I figured out I was going the wrong way, and turned around…only to meet a dead end. So I went back around and tried to go back the same way again, past where I’d turned around before. And got another dead end. I finally went back up Oregon and found…S. 11th Street! When I crossed over Washington Ave, I realized what happened: Google Maps told me to turn right but I should have been looking for a left turn…because the street was one-way THAT way. I eventually found my way over to the “trees” streets, but I couldn’t find where I was going. My directions had me turning left on Cypress, but…that’s not a street. It’s an alley, and you can’t really drive on it. I finally spotted a gay bookstore called Giovanni’s Room and figured out I must be very close. Sure enough, I finally found Quince! So next I had to look for parking…and I drove around and around. I had just called my contact for a third time, to ask if he knew where there was any parking, when I came upon an actual attended lot. I gratefully paid my $15 and ran over to the club! I got there about 6:30, which means I spent an hour and a half driving around Philadelphia. Fortunately it didn’t actually start until 7:00!

The contest itself was great, but the place was not air-conditioned, I was under huge lights, and I was literally dripping sweat the whole time - I was wiping my forehead on my sleeve constantly! At intermission, I got a comped rum and coke; I had wanted a black Russian but it was crowded and I didn’t want to be difficult. I was planning to let my “backup” interpreter go up after intermission, so I felt okay having the drink, and fortunately it loosened me up a bit and I felt much more confident the next time I got up on stage. The “backup” was actually an interpreting student, and he’d been feeding me local tidbits during the first half…names of other local clubs, etc. While he was up there interpreting the jockstrap-and-funny-question segment, I ended up feeding him a bunch of signs, and I could see he was awkward. So toward the end of that bit, I signed “would you mind switching for the speech portion?” He nodded - was it gratefully? I’m not sure - and I finished out the contest, back under those brutal lights. Unfortunately there was only one female contestant, and she didn’t earn enough points to get the title, so there’s no Ms. Philadelphia Leather this year, and the crowd favorite/local boy won the Mr. Philadelphia title.

Afterward, my favorite leatherman, Teddy, said he and his partner (who is hearing) were going to get a bite to eat. I’d had part of my dinner before leaving the hotel, but that was several hours before, and I asked if I could tag along. We ended up at the same place where I’d bumped into him back in August. I had a salad and then we went over to the Bike Stop so he could show me around. I was delighted to find that it had recently gone smoke-free, so I managed to avoid getting smoky tonight! He showed me all four floors; in the little shop I bought a leather flag sticker for my car - I love the community so much. Then he and his partner walked me all the way back to where I had parked, and his partner gave me very easy directions back to my hotel!

I made it back across the Ben Franklin Bridge just fine. In fact, I made it all the way back to my hotel just fine. But I decided…I was a little peckish and I wanted something to drink before bed. That was a huge mistake! I forgot that things like, y’know, vending machines exist in hotels, and I figured I’d drive around and look for a convenience store. Went one way on the cross-street…no good. Went back past the hotel and the other way…no good. Figured I’d try a bigger street, and - yes - got lost. I thought I had regained my bearings, and I stopped at a gas station for a snack and drink. And then I got back in the car…and got lost some more. Amazingly, I found myself on an empty road following a police car, so I flashed my brights at him several times and we pulled over together. I ran up to his car and begged for directions, which he gave to me very clearly…but he didn’t indicate how long it was between steps, so I thought I was lost again. Fortunately I finally got to the last step and made it back onto the road where my hotel was. I staggered upstairs and collapsed. Which is what I’m doing now.

I never, ever want to drive around Philadelphia and its suburbs at night, alone, again. EVER.