I am struggling to give myself permission to not go kayaking tonight. I haven’t been the past two weeks, and I am not going to be able to go next Thursday because that’s when I’m driving to Philadelphia, so I feel like I should go tonight. But I have had one of the most killer schedules today I can remember having anytime in recent memory. I had back-to-back meetings from 8:30 to 12:30, and another meeting at 2:30. Interpreting is mentally exhausting, as you’ve probably heard me say before, and one of the hazards of working in an IT department is that all the meetings are highly technical (and therefore even more mentally demanding), so today’s schedule was just brutal.

But I just bought a $475 kayak which I’ve barely used, and a $110 paddle that I haven’t used at all, and I’m spending about $100 to store my kayak at the boathouse for the summer. (Hopefully it’s still there, at least…my locking system is not as secure as it could be. I really hope its still there, since I haven’t been in a while…I just e-mailed the group to ask if somebody will look for it for me and make sure it’s still there.) I might go out this Saturday…but right now I’m just exhausted to tears! And yet I still feel guilty for not going, given how much money I’ve spent on kayaking. I feel like I want to give up the sport, like I’m not any good at it…A says I only feel that way because I’m tired, but I do feel that way…for the moment.