There are some emotional musings I need to get out. They’re kind of rambling and confused. I’m pretty open online about who I am and how I’m feeling, so I’m going to share these thoughts.

It’s Wednesday. I’m still in shock, this is day three. (I found out on Sunday, but got details on Monday morning.) I am utterly stunned. Part of me feels like he’s messing with my life one more time, but I’m not even sure that’s valid because he was never in my life. And yet he has always been a presence, a conspicuously empty hole for 25 years. Now he has taken over my life completely. I am emotionally exhausted.

You know how sometimes people say “too far behind to catch up on reading, so tell me if anything major happened” - well, I have got an answer for that. This is huge, changing the direction of my life significantly.

I need to keep in touch with friends. I am managing to stay caught up with LiveJournal and Bloglines, but some other things have gotten forgotten and I need those people to reach out. I made a post on the Qbee BBS asking people to please continue trading with me.

My diet is kind of on hold. I am continuing to eat reasonably well although I still don’t manage to lose any fucking weight. I have exercised all of…once? twice? since I went to Curves to check it out. I need to do more. I desperately want to lose weight. Maybe when I go off Depo that will help somewhat. Because I do eat intelligently and I still don’t lose weight.

My brain is just in a holding pattern right now. I can occasionally break out but I have been trying to just do things that will distract me.

Thanks a lot, Bob. You never gave me anything in my life, and now this. I sure hope there’s enough money for college, because that’s the reason I’m dealing putting myself through this. I have to go to college. I hope it works out. Damn, I’m tired.