A bit of musing even though it’s 1:00 in the morning…and then I shall go to bed.
Most venues for online interaction have a way of keeping a user’s input from reaching your screen. Many forums have an Ignore List feature, LambdaMOO has @gagging, instant messaging services offer block lists, LiveJournal has , and so forth. I don’t use any of these. My way is actually not recommended, as it requires familiarity with a wide variety of types of online discourse, and a skin that is somewhat thickened. I used to let all kinds of crap affect me online. People would post anonymous comments about me – or even attributed ones – and I’d let it get right to me. I could have used ignoring features, but I didn’t because I was afraid of missing something. Now, it’s more a personal philosophy, and I’ve learned to deal with these comments. I don’t have anyone on my @gaglist or any Ignore Lists, only anonymous comments are blocked on LJ to reduce spam, and I use the blocking feature for IMs only for genuine spammers. It’s not easy learning to deal with those who would annoy you and piss you off. For those who aren’t directing anything specific at you but are just being asshats in general, you have to tune them out. They’re not worth your time. If you read their posts at all, rather than just skimming over them, you can laugh at their idiocy but you have to move on. If someone is attacking you personally, consider the source. The anonymous comments on LambdaMOO bothered me because I thought it might be someone I knew…but I decided it was more likely that they were comments from people who didn’t know me – and if they didn’t know me, they were obviously talking out of their asses and not worth paying any mind.
My personal philosophy of not ignoring anyone isn’t for everybody, and I am vulnerable too. I don’t usually get caught up in flame wars (I’m not the flaming type) or heated debates because I am willing to concede points fairly easily. But things people say to me are still hurtful at times, more so if it’s from an acquaintance who I thought I didn’t have any problems with. (Needless to say, friends don’t do this kind of thing.) I am a peacemaker, and that means trying to make peace with others and also making peace within myself. I don’t need to respond to idiots. I don’t need to listen to jerks. Much of what I read online is from strangers, and I am free to scroll on by.
Incidentally, I don’t think my way is better than using ignore features. If you are willing to use them, and if they help you drown out some of the noise or keep you from getting upset, then by all means use them and they are serving you well. Because I personally choose to not use them doesn’t mean I don’t think they’re a wonderful invention for those who like them.
I’m working on being able to ignore. It’s hard–I tend to take everything personally and ruminate about it forever, although the logical part of me knows I shouldn’t. So kudos to you for being able to do that.
You have a lot more courage than most to just let “assholiness” (as I call it) roll right off you. Good for you!
My philosophy is similar to yours. I don’t get caught up in flame wars because they are such a waste of time and energy. If I go to a website and see flaming comments about the author, my opinion about the author hasn’t changed. I just think that the commenter is a moron and go about my business reading and enjoying the blog that I surfed over to see. I figure most people have the same philosophy I do and just laugh off flames as a kid with too much time on his/her hands.