Please indulge me in a bit of self-righteousness and indignancy as I continue to challenge the femme invisibility barrier.

I’d heard a few days ago that someone had complained that J and I were not lesbians. Of course we thought that was silly, but we weren’t sure who had said it, as the information seemed to have gone through a long grapevine. That night at dinner one of the deaf men I was eating with asked me if I was a lesbian. I said yes and he seemed fine with that. The question nagged at me though, until tonight. It was toward the end of the cruise, I was chatting with a deaf guy and his hearing boyfriend at the leather party, and I told them about this trange question. They were surprised by that, and we talked about it for a few moments. And then who should walk up but the guy I suspected all along. Now, this guy is a hearing interpreter from Baltimore; I did not know him before the cruise. He walked up, said hello, and then we had this exchange:

Him: Can I ask you a personal question?
Me: Sure. (knowing what’s coming)
Him: Are you a lesbian?
Me: Yes. (conversation was in ASL; I used an emphatic form of yes)
Him: Are you in a relationship?
Me: Yes, for seven years.
Him: How nice for you. Do you have a picture of your partner?
Me: Uh, not on me, no.
Deaf guy: Do you have a picture of your boyfriend?
Him: Well, he’s here. I can bring him over.
Me: She’s not here because she’s already going on a cruise this month with her mom, blah blah blah.

So then he went off, and the deaf guy, his boyfriend, and I marveled at the guy’s balls that he asked me such a thing to my face. I was miffed, but we talked about things like narrow-mindedness and interpreter ethics. I finally decided I was going to go, and I said goodbye to my friends. On the way out, though, I decided I was going to give the guy a big fuck you.

At first I went to the computer cafe to search for the guy’s email address. I didn’t find it, so I went to Flickr, found a suitable picture and printed it, then logged off. The total cost was $2.65 for this. Now, the picture I’d chosen was specific. It has me and A standing with Teddy, International Mr. Deaf Leather 2004, between us. Perfect. So I took it back downstairs to the party. (By the way, I did have a rum and coke in me at this point.) I couldn’t find the guy at first, but I ended up telling a couploe of other deaf people why I was looking for him. I also told M, the male terp, who mentioned that he’s been getting asked all week if J & I are straight. (At least five times, by hearing people but not the guy I was after.)

Finally the nice deaf guy spotted the guy dancing far away. I couldn’t see him, so the deaf guy offered to take the printout over to him. After a few minutes he returned and said “I showed it to him. He knows the guy in the middle [Teddy]. You’re safe!”

So I felt pretty good. But I still can’t fathom the question. Femme lesbians do exist, dammit! Just because 99% of the lesbians on this cruise are (sometimes soft) butch does not mean femme dykes are a straight man’s fantasy? (I think he might have been jealous that he didn’t get my job but rather had to pay to be there.)