Weddings and Me
Feb 1, 2005 Author: Meredith | Filed under: philosophicalI’m participating in a thread on Literotica about marriage. A couple of people said that they are only planning to have quick weddings, because they want to be married, not get married.
I have a different take on the matter. I want to get married. I’m not looking for a big church wedding or weird expensive dresses, but I’d like to have some kind of event with a pretty outfit (worth maybe about $200) that I picked out for the occasion. I want to send out invitations to my friends and circle a date in red on the calendar. The “be married not get married” thing doesn’t fly with me. We’ve been together for seven years now and we’re essentially married (witness the rings), but I’m not satisfied. It doesn’t even have to be a real wedding - we could just have a party and send out invitations and have people dress up and rent a private room at a restaurant somewhere. But I want something. Part of the reason we’re waiting is because of A’s previous experience. She was married for ten years, and she’s still very close to her ex-husband but she knows that relationships can go sour even after a very long time. So I’m basically showing that I can last longer than ten years before we get to have that party.
The reason this makes me so frustrated is because I have so many friends who are getting married and having kids. My sister-in-law got married in summer 2003, a good friend of mine got married in fall 2003, my brother-in-law’s mother got married somewhere in there, and now my sister-in-law is going to be in the wedding of another friend with whom I’m also acquainted. Plus I know a slew of people online who are getting married, having commitment ceremonies, etc. And I’ve been with A longer than any of these people have been with their partners, so every time I see somebody make an announcement part of me sneers inside my head that they’re moving too fast. I’m just jealous, of course, but I’m a bit self-righteous about it too.
Yes, we’re already married. Yes, we wear the rings. But dammit, I want that party. And don’t even get me started on all the babies everybody has been having…
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3 Responses for "Weddings and Me"
When a couple of gal pals of mine were getting married, I flew back to New Mexico, and lemme tell you… it ain’t just the party. It was a “traditional” Jewish wedding, with most of the trimmings, even though one of them wasn’t Jewish. One was deaf, so there was much interpreting in every direction (lots of interpreters in attendance). The coolest thing about the whole business was watching two very different families coming together, brimming with good will, plus those of us who had known the two women for years just wishing these ladies — my friends! — every good thing in the world. I daresay we all walked away a touch happier, a touch wiser, a touch better. And the world was changed, just a little bit.
Straight divorced boy that I am, I’d totally recommend it.
You’ve got a good reason to be frustrated. I was too!
After my husband and I got married, everyone else seemed to follow suit around us — as if we started this “marriage trend” or something. All around us — “we’re getting married! we’re getting married!” and it annoyed us. We were also quite envious too because the same people started gushing about how they have this HUGE affair about it, something my husband and I couldn’t afford. I thought the same damn thing — that they were “rushing” into it.
And babies?!? Ooh, darlin’ — within 6 months of being hitched, both of our parents started hounding us, wondering why junior hadn’t made his presence yet. Good lord!
I can understand where your partner is coming from. My wife was hesitant about getting married due to her first marriage being so bad. Your wife will have to eventually come to terms that she is in a lasting relationship with you and that you are missing something by not having a ceremony. There are some churches around here and in your area that perform same gender marriages. It may not have any legal validation, it still has the emotional one.
If we didn’t have these cretinous homophobes in government then this point would be moot.
If y’all decide to have a ceremony, please remember me when the invitations go out.
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