Okay, now this is just hilarious. Via a Scientific American article on dopey patents, I found the November 26, 2002 patent for a Semen taste-enhancement dietary supplement. It can be viewed in its entirety by searching the USPTO for Patent #6,485,773. Here’s the second-best part:

While certain ingredients have previously been believed in “urban-myth” fashion to improve semen taste, there has never been a precedent for any formulation developed or marketed for this purpose. Further these urban myths, while containing a grain of truth, required that a full year of investigation and research and development, and almost an additional year of market testing be conducted prior to successfully establishing the most effective formulation and concentration of specific ingredients to produce the optimal results ultimately achieved.

And now for the best part:

Following this, marketing testing began with 27 local couples of different ages, races, and health regimens (e.g. smokers/non-smokers, drinkers/non-drinkers, healthy/not-so-healthy lifestyles and diets). Questionnaires were created and used for data collection by said couples and, after several months, the data was examined. The results were highly positive, clearly indicating that regardless of the lifestyles of the couples, significant semen-taste improvement was experienced by all in the market-test group. Subsequent to this, the product was placed on the market where after thousands of orders and with a 100% Money-back Guarantee, less than 1.5% return of product has been experienced.

Can you just picture the market testers on this?! I’m sure it was mostly guys convincing their wives to try it just to get more blowjobs, or something. Whatever it was, it’s hilarious.