I used to know people. At the age of 19, I was acquainted with several sex-positive activists, writers, and artists. I had one person to thank for that, really - my girlfriend’s ex-husband’s current partner, who happens to be the very-multi-talented Hanne Blank. Through Hanne, I landed in the October/November 2000 issue of On Our Backs, a by-lesbians-for-lesbians porn magazine. That photo shoot, which took place in April 2000, introduced me to Tristan Taormino - an association that earned me the overwhelming respect of several people, including a young man who describes himself as Tristan’s “biggest fan” and whom she describes as her “biggest stalker.” It was also through Hanne that I came to know Heather Corrina, whom I was surprised to stumble across a year or two later when I contacted the manager of Diarist.net’s Clix service! I was also introduced (not directly, can’t remember how) to Jane Duvall, who welcomed me into her chats and was always gracious enough to coo over my webcam.

I was proud to say I knew these women, and I was even more delighted to think that these women knew me. I’ve lost touch with all of them, except for Hanne (she’s family), and that disappoints me. I’ve watched some of their projects over the past couple of years, and I’ve wished I could be a part of it. My only connection now is a tenuous one at best, with Zille of DarkPlay. I’d like to at least strengthen that relationship - when I agreed to help out with the site, a passing mention was made of modeling, which I’d still like to do. I don’t think the others are within rekindling reach, so there’s probably not much I can do about that. Still, I miss those women, and I miss the pleasure knowing them brought me.

Now that I think about it, it seems part of the reason I miss the associations is because they are all so beautiful. I’ve always adored people I find attractive, and wished for some connection - actually having one is such an affirmation to me. Also, having seen them in such erotic poses reminds me that I could do that - I would - if only somebody wanted me to and gave me the outlet. (We’ll see what happens with DarkPlay.)