Oh, and I might as well mention what’s going on with a former employer of mine. It seems Telos is not happy with the link to their site from my office pictures page. (Uh-oh, I just did it again. They’ll love that.) A few weeks ago they sent me an e-mail saying I should cease and desist from using the “link of Telos for [my] personal purposes.” I’ve decided that means they don’t want me linking to them. But as at least one court decision has already found, it’s okay to link from one page to any other page. Now granted, that was business-related and about deep-linking…but why should Telos care about a link from a personal site to their front page? It’s not like anybody ever finds my site, and it’s not like anybody actually clicks through to see what Telos is. I make it a habit to include a link to whatever I can when I’m writing. Why are they spending their money to have the General Counsel pester a little girl with a little website? Anyway, that e-mail was a few weeks or a month ago. A couple of days ago I received an identically-worded letter…by FedEx. This is becoming absurd.

For some reason I’m trying to work on my website even though I’m leaving the country tomorrow. I’m not sure what I’m expecting to get done here. A friend has asked me to do some research for him, and I could be doing that instead. I’m actually at work, so I should be doing work - but of course I’m not. I feel like there’s so much left to do before the trip, but I don’t know what it is. I have to clean the hamster cage, I know that - I’m dreading it. I would pay really good money to have that done for me. If I didn’t let it go so long between cleanings it wouldn’t be such a problem, but it’s been a while and it’s absolutely nauseating now. I feel bad for the hamster, but for some reason I have a really hard time cleaning the cage. I also have to pack and do laundry. I should clean out the car and clean up the kitchen. There must be more.

I’d really like to go a full day without some part of my body causing me pain. I’m 20 years old, why is my body falling apart like this?



My mother has pseudogout and fibromyalgia. For a number of years now we’ve noticed symptoms in me similar to those she had when she was younger, so I’m probably going to end up being diagnosed with some kind of arthritis eventually. Most of my joints crack on a regular basis (dozens of times a day), and I have to do it - I know the sound disturbs some people, but if I don’t crack the joint, it hurts. I have to stretch frequently, so I’ve learned to do it in my seat or wherever I am without being too obvious. Same thing for cracking my ankles or knees while walking - I’ve gotten good at that. If I sleep a bit funny, the back pain I wake up with hangs around for most of the day. Sometimes, though, whatever joint it is won’t crack right away, or it does but not in the right way. Then I actually have to stop what I’m doing and try over and over to get it done.



And then there are worse times. Yesterday I woke up and found my knee in terrible shape. Bending it at all hurt so much I wanted to cry like a little girl. I managed to walk okay, but stairs were a challenge, getting into the car was difficult, and moving from seated to standing or the opposite made me gasp. I tried walking down the escalator at the metro, but after a few steps of clenching my teeth and overwhelming pain, I gave that up and just rode down. This morning the knee was a little better, and by the evening it was pretty much back to normal. Not two hours later, my wrist began rewarding me with sharp pains any time I moved it. This isn’t fair.



And then there’s the hives. I’ve had them for about two years now, maybe a little more, with a seven or eight month break in the middle of 2000. We have no idea what’s causing them - I saw an allergist in early 2000, and he told me absolutely nothing. I was on Paxil at the time, and he insisted it wasn’t that, so I dutifully scaled back my diet and changed my soaps and detergents. After a couple of months with no progress, I decided to quit the Paxil myself - and what do you know? The hives went away. I was on Celexa for several months, and then in October or so I decided I wanted to try something else. So I was switched to Effexor, and *bam* - the hives came back. They immediately moved me to Wellbutrin, but the hives didn’t go away. This is the first anti-depressant that has actually helped me - there is a definite marked improvement - so I’d like to stay on it. I’m thinking it might be a food now - peanuts, maybe, or something in chocolate: a true cocoa allergy is rare, but it’s easy to be allergic to something in the chocolate. I’m afraid it’s the caffeine, too, so now I’ve cut out peanuts, chocolate, and caffeine in the hopes that the hives will go away. They are over 100% of my body - my scalp, my hands, back, chest, legs, everywhere - and are actually covering at least 30% of my skin. They itch like hell, they swell, and generally cause me constant grief whenever I’m awake.



I can think of other complaints - more reasons why I say I’m falling apart - but I’m sick of thinking about it for now. It’s too frustrating.